I had an epiphany of sorts this week… it happened while eating lunch with a friend at Bellini’s Italian Eatery, as many epiphanies do (not at Bellini’s, but while talking to friends).
She said something that really stuck: MAYBE IT IS TIME TO CHANGE MY FAITH.
You see, ever since becoming a follower of Jesus when I was 17, I have had a deep and unshakable faith. I think it is actually one of my top spiritual gifts. It is what makes me an optimist. I can see a vision of the future that is full of Kingdom potential — and once I have seen it, I know it will come about. That is my gift of faith. It is tied into my ability to envision, dream, and trust in God to do crazy things.
But I have no vision anymore and I dare not dream. And so I find that I have also lost my optimism and faith that the future will be better than today.
And having lost that, I think it is better to change faiths than be without faith.
So I am changing faith.
What my friend said that we stuck was that at different points in her life she has needed different kinds of faith.
That was like an a-ha moment for me.
The Holy Spirit poked me when she said it.
You see, it takes a different kind of faith to believe God will build his church, for example, than that he will somehow bring goodness and purpose and healing in my life again. For me it is easier to believe Matthew 16:16 for the church than it is to believe Romans 8:28 for me. It takes a different kind of faith.
I never struggled with having faith that God would do great things through his church, provide all the resources we needed, and bless it without end. That was a no-brainer! But I lack faith for the season of life I find myself in now — a much more personal season of growth and challenge than I have ever faced.
And so I am asking God to give me a new kind of faith — the kind of faith I need now for the journey I am on.
I don’t have it yet, but I am trusting that he will give it to me.
BEN DUBOW 
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