Some additional very practical tips on how to authentically “love sinners” (while still “hating their sin”). These are all principles I learned while working with teenagers as a youth minister in Young Life. There are few places in domestic missions where you are confronted with the “hate the sin, love the sinner” dynamic more than in working with unreached teenagers!
Here are six practices… really classic Young Life principles, that really work in this context:
1. EARN THE RIGHT TO BE HEARD – and take this process seriously.
The right to speak in someone’s life comes from trust and relationship. As cheesy as it sounds, people won’t care about what you know until they know how much you care. You earn the right to be heard by spending time with people, listening to them, being interested in what they are interested in and by handling their stories with compassion and care. Jesus models this for us again and again throughout the Gospels, and it should be core to our approach. If you want to read a great book that gets to the heart of this practice, Bill Hybel’s “Just Walk Across the Room” is a great read. Another example of this lived out is Paul Sheldon (read about him here).
2. GO WHERE THEY GO – Seriously!
Again, this is straight out of the Jesus model of ministry. There is a reason he was accused of being a drunkard and a glutton because he was hanging out with tax-collectors, prostitutes and “sinners”. And trust me, where Jesus was hanging out was not like a church pot-luck. But he spent time on their turf, learning about their interests, listening to their stories. This is a key to authentic love.
3. WALK IN WISDOM – And keep quiet sometimes.
Colossians 4:5 says “Walk in wisdom toward outsiders, making the best use of the time.” The principle here is simple but important. Show wisdom in how and when you address issues with people. This means sometimes biting your tongue, not to hide or deny the truth but rather to wait for a more appropriate and effective time to raise an issue. This practice is about discernment. Listen to the Holy Spirit, wait for the promptings of the Holy Spirit, and trust the timing of the Holy Spirit. I do this regularly by simply praying something like, “Holy Spirit, what do you want me to say? What don’t you want me to say?” — and then I listen!
4. POSTURE AS A TEACHER – never as a preacher.
No one likes to be preached at, but people are often open to teaching. Share your story, listen to their story, and be willing to explain and teach what scripture says. But please, don’t preach.
5. IT’S ALL ABOUT JESUS – and it is all it will ever be about!
The most important issue is always where people are in relationship to Jesus. To quote Young Life founder Jim Rayburn, “Everyone has a right to know the truth about Jesus Christ. They have a right to know who He is, a right to know what He has done for them, a right to know how they relate to that, a right to know Him personally. Furthermore they have the right to make their own choice of Him.” Let’s make sure we keep people focused on this issue… and then let Jesus deal with the others.
6. LOVE IS PRACTICAL – and non-consequential.
Love is never academic. It must be practical. We don’t love people in theory. We love them actually. We can talk about how we might hypothetically love a group of people I have never met, but that is only a hypothetical discussion — not love. Love is proximate. We need to be present. You can’t authentically love someone you don’t spend time with. And we need to do this simply because we love them (and even like them!) regardless o whether they change or respond to us. In other words, love is non-consequential. It is no strings attached. It is never about an agenda or project. We love because He first loved us (1 John 4:19) — knowing that God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. (Romans 5:8)
I’d love to know from you which of these practices come most naturally to you and which ones challenge you the most?
BEN DUBOW 
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