Sample Covenant Ethic Summary (for leaders, couples, singles, small groups)

Appendix N

Applies to everyone—straight, gay, bi, trans, single, dating, engaged, married.

Our goal is integrity, safety, and love that looks like Jesus.

1) Core Commitments

• Covenant Fidelity
  We honor public, durable commitments. We reject secrecy, serial use, and betrayal. If you’re married, be faithful. If you’re dating, act in ways that move toward or honor covenant (clarity, promises kept, community involved).
• Mutual Consent
  Freely given, informed, enthusiastic, and ongoing. Power-aware (age, authority, spiritual care, employment). Silence, pressure, intoxication, or fear are not consent.
• Honesty
  Tell the truth about intentions, sexual history as appropriate, STI status, and expectations. No double lives. No spiritualized manipulation (“God told me…” as leverage).
• Non-Exploitation
  Never use another’s body, heart, finances, status, or faith as a means to an end. No coercion. No pastoral/leader relationships with those under your care. Clear boundaries in counseling and ministry contexts.
• Fruit Tests (Matt 7; Gal 5)
  Does this relationship/practice reliably grow love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, generosity, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control—in both people and the wider community? If it grows fear, secrecy, shame, duplicity, or harm, stop and recalibrate.

2) Wisdom > Line-Drawing (for sexual decision-making)

Ask together (and with a trusted pastor/mentor as needed):

• Trajectory: Is what we’re doing moving us toward covenantal stability or away from it?
• Power: Are we equals here? Any imbalance (age, money, spiritual authority, housing) that skews consent?
• Safety & Health: Are we protecting each other’s bodies and futures (STI screening, contraception where appropriate, PrEP for HIV prevention when indicated, sober consent)?
• Community: Are we isolating or staying known and supported?
• Integrity: Would we be at peace describing our choices to a wise, loving friend who wants God’s best for us?
• Fruit: What’s the actual outcome over time—more honesty and gentleness, or more hiding and harm?

Note on sex outside civil marriage: Scripture doesn’t offer a tidy proof-text that simply bans all premarital sexual activity. Our community calls all sexual expression to the same covenant ethic. If sexual intimacy is occurring, it must sit inside honesty, consent, non-exploitation, real care for consequences. If you can’t meet that bar, the wise, loving choice is to refrain.

3) Green / Yellow / Red

• Green (keep going): Truth-telling, patient pacing, mutuality, shared spiritual life, clear boundaries, growing peace and joy, counsel welcomed, health steps taken.
• Yellow (slow down & get guidance): Secrets from community, rising pressure, spiritual language used to rush decisions, unclear future, recurring conflict you won’t address, alcohol/drug-blurred consent.
• Red (stop & seek help immediately): Coercion, threats, isolation, financial control, pastoral/leadership boundary violations, physical/sexual violence, revenge porn, stalking, grooming, any sexual contact with a minor.

4) Practices That Help

• For Singles/Daters: Name intentions early; invite a couple you trust to walk with you; schedule regular “check-in” questions using the fruit tests; plan for health (STI screening schedule; discuss PrEP if appropriate).
• For Engaged/Married: Do premarital; build shared rules for phones/porn/DMs; put repair skills on the calendar (check-ins, counseling tune-ups); budget for joy.
• For Everyone: Keep one mentor couple or trusted friend “in the loop.” Normalize counseling before crisis.

5) Church Promises

• One Standard for All: Same ethic for straight and queer people.
• Safety: Survivor-centered policies, two-adult rule, background checks, mandatory-reporting compliance, no “deliverance” targeting LGBTQ+ identities.
• Care: Confidential pastoral appointments, referrals to trauma-informed, affirming clinicians, and practical help plans when safety is at stake.

6) Quick Reflection (use in small groups or pastoral meetings)

• What recent choice in our relationship grew the fruit of the Spirit?
• Where are we most tempted to hide? What would honesty look like this week?
• What is one concrete step toward covenant integrity we will take in the next 30 days?

---

Reproduce freely for pastoral care, premarital work, small groups, youth/college ministry (adapt age-appropriately), and leadership training. Adapt as needed.