Jesus, How Do You Feel About Me?

For the past several years, my prayer life has been primarily conversational.  To some who read this blog, that might sound strange, but it really is like an ongoing 2-way conversation.

For the past 5 months, I have been having weekly counseling sessions (I am a big fan of counseling, btw).  One of the questions my counselor asks me at the beginning of every session is how my emotional life has been.  How have I been feeling about myself? About others? About God? It has been an important focus of counseling for me — getting back in touch with my emotional life.  Hiding in a closet for 17 years is not super-conducive to being emotionally in touch and healthy.

Anyway, a few days back I felt prompted to ask Jesus a simple question: how did He feel about me right now?  What was Jesus’s emotional feelings about me?

As we talked, a lot of words were thrown out on the table: angry… disappointed… ashamed?

No, it wasn’t those words.  But three words did come up and stick with me: sad, concerned, hopeful.

I’ve been thinking about and praying on those words for the last few days, trying to understand them.

SAD… while I don’t think Jesus is surprised by what has happened, I do think he is saddened.  I think he is sad at what has happened, the broken relationships, the damage to the church, the damage to my heart and the hearts of others.  And I think he is sad that one of his children has to go though this and deal with stuff.  I think Jesus has such compassion for us that he is sad when we hurt — even when that hurt is self-inflicted.

CONCERNED… this was a hard one for me to understand, and I wrestled with it.  But I think He is concerned about me.  I am facing lots of life-altering decisions and I think He is concerned that I make the right decisions and make them well.  I also think He is concerned about my heart… that it heals and does not become hardened. I am not 100% sure on this one, but I am still praying on it.

HOPEFUL… He is not done with me or working through me.  He is hopeful for me, and that gives me hope.

I will keep praying about these and keep asking Jesus how He is feeling about me.  It was a really helpful conversation and time in prayer.  I encourage you to give it a try.